Being in the ministry, people often come up to me wanting advice about God's will. I have been known to say that if you really desire to know God's will and be obedient to Him, then He will make His will clear to you and won't let you "accidently" miss His will. He doesn't delight in us being frustrated about which direction to go...He wants to lead us and make His will clear and plain to us.
So, with all of that said, this summer I've been seeking God's will. For the past four years, I have been working during the school year at an elementary school. It has been a good job, with good benefits and retirement. However, each year, I have sought God's will if I should go back to work, because my primary calling is to be a wife and strong support to my husband and family, and to be a part of the pastoral team for our church. Now, if you are a follower of my blog, you know that we are now pastoring not one, but two locations. So, this year, with all of the changes, seemed like a critical year to me to be sure that I was doing what God wanted me to. I begged God for a clear word if I should continue to work at the school. All was quiet. I began to get desperate as the time neared that I would need to notify the school. I began to open my Bible and point to random scriptures...not exactly what I would recommend to others to try...and not particularly effective. I even flipped a coin and asked for a sign! Let's just say, about 50% of the time the answers were different than the time before...go figure!
Here's the frustrating thing...my husband, instead of telling me what to do said, "Whatever you want to do, I'll support you." So, there went my option for someone to blame if I made the wrong decision! When push came to shove, I decided the only reason I was holding on to the job was fear about finances..."what if this? what if that?" My heart wanted to stay home, take better care of my home and family, and plunge in wholeheartedly to what God has called me to be and to do. Finally, based on Matthew 6:24-25, I made my decision. I emailed the principal and told him I was not returning this year and why.
I never did have a moment of knowing with rock solid assurance that I had heard God about this. But, I have to rest in the advice I give to others...If you really are wanting God's will and if you are really wanting to obey Him, then He's not going to let you miss His will.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Hibernating....
It's the 14th of August and I am hibernating. My husband and I traditionally take Fridays as our day off. Being in the ministry, Saturday ends up being a day to make sure you are all ready for Sunday, so Fridays have always been our day instead. (Obviously, during the school year when I am working this doesn't work, so our only "time off" together is Friday evening.) When, yesterday, my husband asked what I wanted to do today I couldn't think of anything else to say but, "absolutely nothing".
In my mind, this summer was going to be laid back and relaxing. In reality, other than our trip to Palm Springs in June, it has been a pretty busy summer. We have been working hard on the merge of our two churches and getting to know the wonderful people in our new congregation. We've had church campouts and youth camps. We've made plans and tried to solve problems. We've helped to care for my mother who lives close by, we've done household chores and repairs, balanced checkbooks and paid bills, and best of all, spent time with the kids and grandkids...the busyness of daily life.
This week it hit me. Fall is almost here, and instead of feeling ready and refreshed, I feel tired. So, today I decided to give myself permission to do nothing and go nowhere...
Instead I've stayed in comfy lounging clothes sans makeup and read a book that made me both laugh and cry, I've taken a nap, I woke up and made some homemade pizza dough that is now rising for tonight's dinner, now I'm going to watch my favorite cooking show or maybe a favorite movie. I am hibernating today...and I'm happy.
In my mind, this summer was going to be laid back and relaxing. In reality, other than our trip to Palm Springs in June, it has been a pretty busy summer. We have been working hard on the merge of our two churches and getting to know the wonderful people in our new congregation. We've had church campouts and youth camps. We've made plans and tried to solve problems. We've helped to care for my mother who lives close by, we've done household chores and repairs, balanced checkbooks and paid bills, and best of all, spent time with the kids and grandkids...the busyness of daily life.
This week it hit me. Fall is almost here, and instead of feeling ready and refreshed, I feel tired. So, today I decided to give myself permission to do nothing and go nowhere...
Instead I've stayed in comfy lounging clothes sans makeup and read a book that made me both laugh and cry, I've taken a nap, I woke up and made some homemade pizza dough that is now rising for tonight's dinner, now I'm going to watch my favorite cooking show or maybe a favorite movie. I am hibernating today...and I'm happy.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Joy unplugged...
Last Sunday, my husband had me teach the Word for our two Sunday services. Notice that I said teach, because I do not consider myself a preacher, but a teacher. I love the Word of God, and I believe that I have been called to teach it and to hopefully encourage others to fall in love with Its riches as well. It was one of those times when the study came together easily, when I knew it's what God wanted said, and when I felt a powerful anointing as I ministered. As I taught, I had a feeling of being "fully alive"-of doing what I was created to do.
I wish that was what ministry was always like! But, unfortunately, that is only a small part in this life calling that we call "the ministry". It seems like every time you are on a ministry high, as I was after sharing the Word, the enemy will do every thing he can do to "unplug" your joy...to drain you of the peace, joy, and spiritual strength and energy that is such a threat to him and his dark kingdom. This week I felt incessantly pecked at and provoked by him. Each day came with a new problem... news of someone hurting, someone sick, someone disgruntled, someone stumbling. Like David in the book of Psalm, I began to wish for a way to fly away and be at rest! I called a trusted friend and told her of my plan to resign and run away from the call of God and from the whole human race in general.
Tomorrow is Sunday. I'm still here, and though in my imagination, I may have escaped for a moment or two to an imaginary dream home by the sea, tomorrow I will wake up in my same bed, in my same home and go to church. There I will see the face of that hurting one, that sick one, that lonely one, possibly even that disgruntled one...and I will hug them and love them and encourage them, leaning heavily, not on anything within myself, but on the Spirit of God. I will walk through another Sunday and another week...trusting in the One who alone can restore my joy, Who is my peace, and Who is my strength. Note to self: watch carefully what you teach, for Monday cometh when you may have to live it! My topic last Sunday was: Keep Walking...Your Victory May Be Only A Step Away.
I wish that was what ministry was always like! But, unfortunately, that is only a small part in this life calling that we call "the ministry". It seems like every time you are on a ministry high, as I was after sharing the Word, the enemy will do every thing he can do to "unplug" your joy...to drain you of the peace, joy, and spiritual strength and energy that is such a threat to him and his dark kingdom. This week I felt incessantly pecked at and provoked by him. Each day came with a new problem... news of someone hurting, someone sick, someone disgruntled, someone stumbling. Like David in the book of Psalm, I began to wish for a way to fly away and be at rest! I called a trusted friend and told her of my plan to resign and run away from the call of God and from the whole human race in general.
Tomorrow is Sunday. I'm still here, and though in my imagination, I may have escaped for a moment or two to an imaginary dream home by the sea, tomorrow I will wake up in my same bed, in my same home and go to church. There I will see the face of that hurting one, that sick one, that lonely one, possibly even that disgruntled one...and I will hug them and love them and encourage them, leaning heavily, not on anything within myself, but on the Spirit of God. I will walk through another Sunday and another week...trusting in the One who alone can restore my joy, Who is my peace, and Who is my strength. Note to self: watch carefully what you teach, for Monday cometh when you may have to live it! My topic last Sunday was: Keep Walking...Your Victory May Be Only A Step Away.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Taste and see...
It's a hot July morning. I just got back from an almost five mile walk and was starving. I made a half sandwich on whole wheat toast of deli turkey, lowfat cheese, pickle and fresh tomato. As I scarfed it down my taste buds told my brain, "This is the perfect sandwich! This hits the spot. This is exactly what my mouth and body were craving." Now, more often then not, I don't think or feel about something I eat this way, (especially about something so good for me!), but for some reason I just really enjoyed that sandwich today!
Suddenly, I thought about when Jesus returns and all things are restored to their original intent, design and purpose-when we have our perfect resurrection bodies, and are enjoying eternal life with the new heavens and new earth. When something on this imperfect, sin scarred planet, with our weak, frail, sin scarred bodies, can taste so good, or be so beautiful that we can hardly stand it, or make us so happy we want to shout for joy, how much better is life going to be then? Life the way it was meant to be, forever in perfect fellowship with the God who created us and loves us. What will it be like to taste food, or see the mountains or the ocean, or hear music in perfection...with nothing to blemish the experience? It boggles my mind to think how overwhelmingly good it is going to be. We'll need those perfect resurrection bodies just to be able to handle the pure, unadulterated joy of it all!
Suddenly, I thought about when Jesus returns and all things are restored to their original intent, design and purpose-when we have our perfect resurrection bodies, and are enjoying eternal life with the new heavens and new earth. When something on this imperfect, sin scarred planet, with our weak, frail, sin scarred bodies, can taste so good, or be so beautiful that we can hardly stand it, or make us so happy we want to shout for joy, how much better is life going to be then? Life the way it was meant to be, forever in perfect fellowship with the God who created us and loves us. What will it be like to taste food, or see the mountains or the ocean, or hear music in perfection...with nothing to blemish the experience? It boggles my mind to think how overwhelmingly good it is going to be. We'll need those perfect resurrection bodies just to be able to handle the pure, unadulterated joy of it all!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Can't sleep...
It is 11:30. I am in a motel room in Everett, Washington listening to the loud snores of one husband, and the light wiffling snores of my 6 year old granddaughter and 5 year old grandson. We came up here from our home in Portland to check on my husband's mother, who is in an adult foster home not far from this hotel. We brought our two oldest grandkids to see great grandma and to have a special little getaway time with us.
Tonight Papa and grandson had "boy night" which consisted of going to a Mariner's baseball game. Granddaughter and I had a "girl night" which consisted first of all, of some "artjects" (see last blog entry for the definition), here in the hotel room. Secondly, we got ready...this consisted of curling her hair, changing her clothes, putting some sparkly polish on her fingernails, putting on lip gloss, deciding whether she should wear the blue or the yellow headband, etc. Next we went to the Olive Garden...you may recall, (again from my last blog entry), that noodles are her favorite. Since spaghetti and meatballs are on the top of my fav. foods list as well, it was a perfect choice for dinner. Question of the night...how in the world does one little six year old girl eat two breadsticks, two bowls of salad, a bowl of spaghetti topped with a meatball, and then top the whole thing off with a chocolate chip cookie? Thank God, that our next activity involved a little bit of walking...we drove to a nearby outlet mall to do what almost every girl's night out involves...shopping! Hopping out of the car, my granddaughter announced, "let's buy me an outfit and some earrings, Nana!" What followed was her finding the sparliest gaudiest thing in the store, (like a shirt with a rhinestone peace sign on it...she, of course, has no idea what a peace sign is), telling me that was what she wanted, and me trying to steer her toward something a little more wearable. We came back to the hotel with two cute tops for her, and a necklace and matching earrings. Upon getting back, one happy little girl got on her nightie, brushed her teeth and laid in bed to watch a movie.
Halfway through the movie Papa and grandson got back. One look at our little guy sporting a new ball cap, carrying a stuffed Mariner's moose, and a bag of leftover peanuts and with the biggest smile on his face told me that boy's night had been a big success as well.
After he was ready for bed, we read books, said prayers, and soon all three, Papa, and the two kids, were snoring away.
I agree with my granddaughter's comment made at dinner, "Nana, we should do boys night and girls night every year!"
Tonight Papa and grandson had "boy night" which consisted of going to a Mariner's baseball game. Granddaughter and I had a "girl night" which consisted first of all, of some "artjects" (see last blog entry for the definition), here in the hotel room. Secondly, we got ready...this consisted of curling her hair, changing her clothes, putting some sparkly polish on her fingernails, putting on lip gloss, deciding whether she should wear the blue or the yellow headband, etc. Next we went to the Olive Garden...you may recall, (again from my last blog entry), that noodles are her favorite. Since spaghetti and meatballs are on the top of my fav. foods list as well, it was a perfect choice for dinner. Question of the night...how in the world does one little six year old girl eat two breadsticks, two bowls of salad, a bowl of spaghetti topped with a meatball, and then top the whole thing off with a chocolate chip cookie? Thank God, that our next activity involved a little bit of walking...we drove to a nearby outlet mall to do what almost every girl's night out involves...shopping! Hopping out of the car, my granddaughter announced, "let's buy me an outfit and some earrings, Nana!" What followed was her finding the sparliest gaudiest thing in the store, (like a shirt with a rhinestone peace sign on it...she, of course, has no idea what a peace sign is), telling me that was what she wanted, and me trying to steer her toward something a little more wearable. We came back to the hotel with two cute tops for her, and a necklace and matching earrings. Upon getting back, one happy little girl got on her nightie, brushed her teeth and laid in bed to watch a movie.
Halfway through the movie Papa and grandson got back. One look at our little guy sporting a new ball cap, carrying a stuffed Mariner's moose, and a bag of leftover peanuts and with the biggest smile on his face told me that boy's night had been a big success as well.
After he was ready for bed, we read books, said prayers, and soon all three, Papa, and the two kids, were snoring away.
I agree with my granddaughter's comment made at dinner, "Nana, we should do boys night and girls night every year!"
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Her smile....
Six years ago this month someone very special was born, our oldest granddaughter. Today she spent the afternoon with Papa and I. We went to one of her favorite spots, Red Robin, for lunch. She had her usual to eat...spaghetti...because "noodles are my favorite, Nana." On the way home we stopped and bought some things to do "artjects" with-this is her own peculiar contraction for "art projects". Following that, our conversation in the car went something like this. "I want to grow a hundred pear trees, so then I could feed all the poor people some pears." This was followed by a conversation about what it means to be poor, which she had quite a good handle on. She pronounced that her family is rich, because they have food and toys and a house. (I wish more of us had her economic mindset!) Then she said, "I think I will be a missionary when I grow up, so I can help poor people." When I asked her where she wanted to be a missionary, I thought she would reply Ghana, since she spent two months there this winter with her mom and dad and little brother. Instead she said, "I want to be a missionary where you and Papa went." Confused, I asked her what she meant. Her reply, "You know. Palm Springs!" (Honey, Nana wants to be a missionary there too, I thought!)
Our beautiful granddaughter, who is adopted, came into our life when she was two months old. She was bald as can be, with ears that didn't exactly lay flat on her head! But wherever we took her, she had the biggest toothless smile that everyone found irresistable. Strangers would stop us all of the time and comment on how cute she was.
Today, she's a beautiful six year old girl. How the years have flown by since that little bald baby stole my heart. But, it's still that smile that gets me everytime I see her. I love you baby girl. You are one of God's most hard won and worthwhile blessings in our life.
Our beautiful granddaughter, who is adopted, came into our life when she was two months old. She was bald as can be, with ears that didn't exactly lay flat on her head! But wherever we took her, she had the biggest toothless smile that everyone found irresistable. Strangers would stop us all of the time and comment on how cute she was.
Today, she's a beautiful six year old girl. How the years have flown by since that little bald baby stole my heart. But, it's still that smile that gets me everytime I see her. I love you baby girl. You are one of God's most hard won and worthwhile blessings in our life.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Vacation mindset....
Steve and I just spent a week vacationing in the Palm Springs area. We love it there...the heat, the sun, the laying by the pool...everything a good vacation is in our opinion. This is the fourth summer that we have spent a week there. (Thanks to good friends who let us use their timeshares!)
I was thinking about what makes vacation so great, and wondering why life can't always be like it is when we are on vacation. I think I may be on to something!
First of all, I love vacation because of who I am with. I am with the man I married 33 years ago...the one who I still love to be with all of these years later. The great thing about vacation is that we are really with each other...we are, in essence, the us we used to be...the us we were before kids, ministry, etc. For that one week we are a couple without responsibilities and distractions pulling at us. We are free to enjoy just being us.
Secondly, I love vacation because of WHO I am with. You know, the capital letters WHO, as in God. (I put this second, not because HE is second in importance of course.) I know that I am always with HIM and HE is always with me...but on vacation we are together unhurried, unpressured. I wake up, grab my coffee, go to the balcony and spend glorious time with HIM out there in the sun. I journal, I read the Word, I read an inspiring book. (This vacation it was A Leader in the Making by Joyce Meyer) There is something luxurious about starting the day slow, unpressured, just me, my coffee, and time with Jesus.
I think why vacations are so great is that we have a vacation mindset. We are living in the moment...unconcerned about yesterday, unworried about tomorrow. We are enjoying and focusing on only today. We are enjoying and savoring the moment. We are relishing the good things about our relationships. We are living in the mindset that Jesus wants us to always live in...Mathew 6:34...we are not worrying about tomorrow.
I want to have a vacation mindset here and now, not just one or two weeks a year. I want to be able to relax and enjoy my everyday life, just like I savor and enjoy each day when I am on vacation. I want to be able to accomplish what needs to be accomplished each day, while I stay rested and relaxed in my spirit. In my relationships with God, my husband, my family, friends and church family I want to stay focused on the good things. I want my relationships to be undistracted, unhindered by yesterday's issues or tomorrow's fears. I want to live in and enjoy this moment, today, here and now without wasting time today fretting over yesterday or worrying about tomorrow.
I was thinking about what makes vacation so great, and wondering why life can't always be like it is when we are on vacation. I think I may be on to something!
First of all, I love vacation because of who I am with. I am with the man I married 33 years ago...the one who I still love to be with all of these years later. The great thing about vacation is that we are really with each other...we are, in essence, the us we used to be...the us we were before kids, ministry, etc. For that one week we are a couple without responsibilities and distractions pulling at us. We are free to enjoy just being us.
Secondly, I love vacation because of WHO I am with. You know, the capital letters WHO, as in God. (I put this second, not because HE is second in importance of course.) I know that I am always with HIM and HE is always with me...but on vacation we are together unhurried, unpressured. I wake up, grab my coffee, go to the balcony and spend glorious time with HIM out there in the sun. I journal, I read the Word, I read an inspiring book. (This vacation it was A Leader in the Making by Joyce Meyer) There is something luxurious about starting the day slow, unpressured, just me, my coffee, and time with Jesus.
I think why vacations are so great is that we have a vacation mindset. We are living in the moment...unconcerned about yesterday, unworried about tomorrow. We are enjoying and focusing on only today. We are enjoying and savoring the moment. We are relishing the good things about our relationships. We are living in the mindset that Jesus wants us to always live in...Mathew 6:34...we are not worrying about tomorrow.
I want to have a vacation mindset here and now, not just one or two weeks a year. I want to be able to relax and enjoy my everyday life, just like I savor and enjoy each day when I am on vacation. I want to be able to accomplish what needs to be accomplished each day, while I stay rested and relaxed in my spirit. In my relationships with God, my husband, my family, friends and church family I want to stay focused on the good things. I want my relationships to be undistracted, unhindered by yesterday's issues or tomorrow's fears. I want to live in and enjoy this moment, today, here and now without wasting time today fretting over yesterday or worrying about tomorrow.
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