Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Goodbye for now…

The dialysis was no longer working.  My husband, his sister, and his brother discussed the options with the doctors.  It came down to the fact that it was futile to continue the dialysis, but it was still a very difficult decision…this decision to let their father go.  The doctors told them that his death would not be painful.  The toxins in the blood, which was no longer being cleansed by the kidneys or the dialysis machine, would within the week shut down the other organs.
My husband’s mama had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's only months before.  She knew her husband was in the hospital again, but didn’t really grasp the seriousness of the situation.  Still, her children thought it only right to have him moved back into the adult care home with her so they could be together for his last days.


With him in the twin bed next to hers, the family gathered.  Oldest son, daughter, son in law, hour after hour by his bedside.  They played the old timey gospel quartet music that he loved and sang along.  They watched his favorite John Wayne movies, him drifting in and out of consciousness.  My husband would sit and read the Bible to him.  His wife, their mama, just seemed irritated at the whole thing, not understanding.  She would scold her husband for not waking up, pick at him, slap at him.


As the end got nearer, I drove up with my girls so they could tell Grandpa goodbye. We got there shortly after noon on Friday.  He was conscious enough to know his grandbabies, now full grown, were in the room.  (That man loved to have his grandbabies near him, even at the end.) Things with Grandma, however, were deteriorating.  She was getting more angry and hostile whenever she was in the room with him.  She just wasn’t understanding what was going on, and getting more and more aggressive.  Her kids were now having to keep her out of the room.  This was not the peaceful passing they were wanting, for him, or for her. 


As the afternoon wore on, he was no longer waking up at all.  His breathing was getting shallower.  The nurse said it wouldn’t be too much longer.  The kids were now rotating…someone in with their dad, someone out in the living room, occupying their mama.  Later that evening, she looked up at her son in law, and as clear as can be said, “He’s dying isn’t he?”  My brother in law told her the truth.  Told her that it was time to tell him goodbye and tell him how much she loved him.  Told her she could go back into the bedroom and be with him if she wanted.


When she walked into the room, she was herself.  No, in truth, she was better than that, she was herself wrapped up in love and grace.  She took his hand, bent over him, and for the next twenty minutes, told him how much she loved him.  She told him what a great husband, dad, and grandpa he was.  She told him it was okay to go to heaven now.  She reassured him that the kids would take good care of her.  She kissed him, her tears dripping off her cheeks onto his.  Then she sang.  “Jesus loves you, this I know, more and more like Him you’ve grown, now He’s come to take you home.”  The tune was the old familiar Sunday School song, but the words were ones God must have given her, just in that moment.


Those were their last moments together.  She left the bedroom, and went back into her world of foggy confusion.  She wasn’t with him, when in the wee hours of Saturday morning Jesus did come and take him home.  However, their goodbye, after over 45 years of marriage, was forever and ever, etched in the minds of their children, their grandchildren, as miraculous.

Still following,

Elizabeth



During the month of June, I am joining others on Wednesdays and blogging about marriage…

holy experience

12 comments:

  1. Wow, what a beautiful story! The Lord is so good and it is so wonderful that she was back to herself long enough to tell him goodbye!!

    Thanks for sharing!!

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  2. Wow Elizabeth. That is such a beautiful ending to their love story. I'm praying for you and your family during this time. xxoo

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  3. This beautiful story of God's grace and love at the end of a life well lived brought tears to my eyes. And I remembered my own dear father's last days and the moment he went from our arms into the arms of the Father. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story - my heart is warmed again as I think how much God loves us. Even in our weakness and confusion, He loves us so!
    ~Adrienne~

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  4. Now you've made me cry. But they're sweet tears. What a beautiful love story. Thank you so much for sharing. It especially means a lot to me as I watch my mom continue to decline with Alzheimer's, and I see that she has practically forgotten the love of her life of 55 years who died in February. But I'm sure a part of that love is still deep down inside her like with your m-i-l.

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  5. You have touched my heart. Thank you for sharing this story. XXOO, Damaris

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  6. I'm not sure exactly why...but my mind immediately went to this song...and I felt the need to post it...I know it is long and I apologize for that...but if I don't post it I feel I'm not following what the Lord tells me to do...I am thinking of you and your family at this difficult time!

    Grace Greater Than All Our Sin

    Marvelous grace of our loving Lord,
    Grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt!
    Yonder on Calvary’s mount outpoured,
    There where the blood of the Lamb was spilled.

    Grace, grace, God’s grace,
    Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
    Grace, grace, God’s grace,
    Grace that is greater than all our sin.

    Sin and despair, like the sea waves cold,
    Threaten the soul with infinite loss;
    Grace that is greater, yes, grace untold,
    Points to the refuge, the mighty cross.

    Grace, grace, God’s grace,
    Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
    Grace, grace, God’s grace,
    Grace that is greater than all our sin.

    Dark is the stain that we cannot hide.
    What can we do to wash it away?
    Look! There is flowing a crimson tide,
    Brighter than snow you may be today.

    Grace, grace, God’s grace,
    Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
    Grace, grace, God’s grace,
    Grace that is greater than all our sin.

    Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace,
    Freely bestowed on all who believe!
    You that are longing to see His face,
    Will you this moment His grace receive?

    Grace, grace, God’s grace,
    Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
    Grace, grace, God’s grace,
    Grace that is greater than all our sin.

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  7. Thank you all for your sweet comments. This event happened over a year ago, though I know my hubby, at times, still grieves.

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  8. How precious! Thanks for sharing this sweet story. You brought tears to my eyes...beautiful! :)

    Blessings,
    Camille

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  9. A beautiful story. Thank you for sharing a wonderful story of His tender love and mercy.

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  10. I am typing this with tears flowing down my cheeks. What a wonderful miracle that your mom was able to say Goodbye. Thank you for sharing this .. May God strengthen your family at this time...

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  11. This is such an incredibly beautiful story and one of the sweetest I have ever heard! However, I am trying to stay a bit "removed" as I read this. You see, my mother is suffering from dementia and is in an assisted living home and my father lives about 15 minutes away in a retirement center. Mother is just under 80 and Daddy is just over. They only get to see each other 2 or 3 times a week. It is terribly sad to watch them deteriorate in different places. I only hope they will be able to share such a sweet goodbye before Jesus calls them home.

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  12. I, too, type with tears streaming down my cheeks. Thanks for sharing that beautiful story.

    Blessings!

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