Seeds sown in tears...

My first born, child of my childhood. Quiet and deep. Wanting to do everything perfect from the beginning...erasing her first efforts at printing over and over again until it was just right. My firstborn seed, sown in the soil of our city. A decade now of her and her husband sowing here...sowing in many tears, and slowly, painfully, by faith, reaping in joy a bountiful harvest.

My middle child...strong-willed, stubborn...tiny, blond, blue-eyed bundle of determination. My secondborn seed, sown in the continent of Africa. Short trips, far apart with long periods of sowing in prayerful tears in between...but someday, a longer stay...her roots planted in the soil of that place she has longed for all her life.

My youngest, the last seed, was a surprise from the beginning. I already had two little girls and thought we were done...and three years later she came along. She was so easy, compliant, shy, quiet, easily corrected with just a word. A blessing-to me, to her dad, to her sisters...and now to You God, always to You.

I knew it was coming...knew it a year ago when I sat in the International House of Prayer with her beside me. I wrote in my journal, "this is where she belongs." It started out to be a three month commission class, and then this morning the email. "This is where I belong. This is where my heart is flourishing." She will come home for the holidays, and the first of the year, she will go back. Rooted, planted there in the heartland of our country, there in the heart of the 24/7 prayer movement, there in the heart of God's will for her. Another little seed of me, of her daddy, sown in tears as again we let go and pray that God will reap a harvest through our seed.

Our youngest, dancing with Daddy at a wedding.

Keep them in your mind...your lips will be accustomed to confessing them.

Ann over at Holy Experience suggested we share this week about how we memorize scripture. Gulp!

I am guilty of not having a scripture memorization plan. So, here's the reality about me...

1) I may look up scriptures in other translations and paraphrases, but I am a loyalist when it comes to the Word of God. I get a Bible I love, and I love it for years, sometimes decades. I read it and mark it up until there's hardly anything left to mark! In that way, the words become familiar to me, imprinted on my mind and heart. I can visualize the words of a scripture, and know where to turn to find it. I can even picture what side of the page it is on. I can repeat the words, though maybe not perfectly. Ask those who know me, and they will testify that you will OFTEN hear these words from my lips..."The Word of God says in Colossians..." or whatever verse is appropriate to the conversation, the counseling session, the friend in need. Oh how I love the Word of God, and when I plant it in my mind and heart, the Holy Spirit has something to bring to my remembrance when it's needed.

2) I pray the Word. I print out scriptures that I pray aloud back to God. ( About 20 actual scripture portions right now.) I really believe that words have power for death or for life...and what is more life-giving than speaking God's Word? I also have confidence that I am praying God's will when I pray His Word. So daily when I verbalize, " Thank You God that I am strong, courageous and firm. It is You, Lord, who goes before me; there will be no cowardice or flinching. I will fear not, neither become broken in spirit- depressed, dismayed or unnerved with alarm."(Deuteronomy 31:7-8)-I am memorizing it without really trying. I love the fact that God's Word, like a sharp, powerful, two-edged sword, is accomplishing something in me and through me, and in the very spiritual atmosphere around me when I speak it out.

"Listen, (consent and submit) to the words of the wise, and apply your mind to my knowledge. For it will be pleasant if you keep them in your mind (believing them); your lips will be accustomed to confessing them. So that your trust, (belief, reliance, support, and confidence) may be in the Lord..." Proverbs 22:17-19 Amplified Bible

Savor the season...

They lay here at the foot of my bed in their makeshift pallet on the floor. I hear their breathing. It's early morn and the room is still dark, except for the glow of my laptop as I sit up in bed to type. Hubby was up long ago, he's downstairs in his little office starting his morning routine. I heard the grind of the coffee maker, and eventually he'll head up the stairs with his love offering in hand, a cup of hot, black coffee. Usually the laptop is on the desk in my office, but last night I browsed the blogosphere while grandbabies watched a kiddie movie lying here in the bed next to me. But for the first time, when it was time for the actual sleeping, five year old grandson was willing to lay down on the blankets on the floor next to six year old sister, instead of in the bed between Papa and I. I slept well, not sleep deprived due to the jabs of his sharp little elbows, and his magnetic attraction to the part of the mattress that should be my space. And I realize, it's the end of a season, he's a big boy now, not a baby. My eyes well up with tears as I type. I wonder how people who don't know Him, who think that life in the here and now is all there is, bear it-this lump in the throat as time flies by so fast, too fast. Grandson and I talked about this very thing as we drove home in the car last night. We were in separate cars so, as always, grandaughter chooses to ride with Papa, and grandson with me. Always, this is our way, whenever he has me to himself. he opens up the deep thoughts of his little heart. "Grandma's going to go to heaven soon," he says. He's referring to my 84 year old mama. "Maybe," I reply, "Is that what mama said to you?" "No," he says,"that's just what I think. But I don't want her to. I want her to always be my Grandma." We talk about how everyone gets old, how everyone eventually dies, and how if you have Jesus as "the boss of your life", you will go to heaven and live forever. His voice is concerned. "I don't want my mom and dad to get old." he says. "I don't want them to die." I'm so grateful, grateful that I can say with 100 percent surety, that this life isn't all that there is. That God has a place prepared for us that is our real home. And when it's time for us to die and go there, we will all be together again...with Papa's dad, Nana's dad, Nana's big sister...all the ones we love, who loved Him, who have gone before. And all of this floods my mind, as I think of how fast life zooms by. I am constantly being reminded to live in the moment, to not worry about tomorrow while forgetting to savor my today. I am a notorious multi-tasker. The downside to that is, you don't really focus on, savor the one thing, the moment. God help me to savor the season I am in, to savor the day, the moment.

After the dying...beauty.

She's dead! The old me
Nailed to a tree
With Him
Stooped over with heaviness
Tethered with clanking chains of bondage
Wasting away, diseased with bitterness, anger, resentment
Wounds oozing
And over all, a garish garment of pride
Dead, gone and buried
Thank God!

She lives! The new me
Raised to newness of life
With Him
Standing straight and tall
Unhindered, unchained
Whole and healthy
Life-giving love, forgiveness, grace and mercy
Flowing to me, through me
To others
And over all, a clean white robe of righteousness
Alive, raised to a new life
Thank God!
The Beauty that you now see
That's me!I'm free!
To dance, to sing, to love
Thank God!(based on Romans 6)

Today I thank God for..

111. Sunday lunch with the grandbabies

112. Total peace and quiet as I kneel by my prayer bench

113. Baby grandaughter can clap!

114. Five year old grandson calling me on the phone, "Nana, you want to come over and see my muscles?"

115. Six year old grandaughter sewing a pillow for her dolly.

116. That same grandaughter, eyes closed, face up, hands raised, worshipping God.

117. A day at the beach with baby grandaughter.

118. The drive home from the beach with my hubby singing along to worship music in the car.

119. A stormy day outside, a warm candlelit house inside, and the smell of chicken roasting in the oven.
120. Lunch and laughter with friends

"Jesus Date" Bag...

Anyone who knows me very well knows that I don't go anywhere without my "Jesus Date" bag. I love Jesus dates, so I must be ready for any opportunity that might arise to have one. A Jesus date is as varied as a date with your spouse...from a quick cup of coffee together, to an out of town getaway. Let me explain...

Jesus lives with me. He's always with me. He never leaves me. Most every day we start the day together having a special time of heart to heart communication. I get my cup of coffee, grab my "Jesus date" bag and head into my home office where I have my little prayer bench. I light a candle, not for a religious reason, but because I like it. When I do, I like to remember that the Bible says that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. I love that fact-there's nothing deceptive in Him. There, by my prayer bench, I pray, read the Word, journal. We communicate...I talk to Him, and listen for Him to talk to me.

But, just like anything that you do routinely, it can become...routine! That's when I take my "Jesus date" bag, and go on a "Jesus date". Maybe I'll go through the drive thru at Starbucks, get my coffee, and find a place with a beautiful view to park, drink my coffee, read, and pray. But, my favorite times are when we really get away...Jesus and me by the sea, now that's almost heaven!

On our day off, Hubby and I went to the beach. (I love living in Portland, only an hour and a half from the beach!) About three feet from the hotel room bed were sliding glass doors leading to a balcony overlooking the bay.

While hubby went downstairs to the hotel's free breakfast, (but first he brought me Starbucks...he's so good to me!),Jesus and I had a date.

Here are the contents of my "Jesus date" bag spilled out on the bed. Amplified Bible, day planner, Loving God devotional by Mike Bickle, journal, Deep Unto Deep by Dana Candler. The bag itself is a black leather Fossil book bag that I found at Ross Dress for Less for under $30 years ago. It has traveled all over with me. In my journal, I always write the date and also record where I am, if I am out of town. As I leave behind everyday distractions and responsibilities, it seems easier to relax, to communicate and to listen, unhindered, unhurried.

Bliss...

I simply remember my favorite things...today's favs.

A golden field of geese.

Red barn against gray autumn sky.

Dinner at my favorite ocean view restaurant with my hubby.

Jesus, take me away...

Calgon just can't do it for me...take me away, that is. Today I want Jesus to take me away. I don't mean to heaven, not yet! There's still work for me to do here. But, there's just too much ugly going on in this sin-sick world and I'm hurting because of it. My heart is hurt, watching people I care about destroy themselves with sin. So today, Hubby and I, (me toting my "Jesus-date bag"-leather bag containing my Bible and journal), are all going to the beach. There's a place there, a meeting place, for Him and I. A place where He spoke to me before when I needed some balm for my hurting heart.

What would I ever do without Jesus? And oh what horrible messes we make of things when we try to run our lives without Him. While I know that Jesus and I meet right here in my home each morning by my prayer bench, and that He never, never, never leaves me or forsakes me, sometimes I just need to see the ocean that He created.
He created it for me to enjoy. ( 1 Timothy 6:17) Imagine that! It's healing for me, comforting, to look out on the ocean and realize that the One who made it is still in control, even when things around me seem out of control. There, looking at the ocean, things come into perspective for me.
Looking out at the waves, the words of this old hymn always come into my mind

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.

Oh, love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure-
The saint's and angel's song.