It's quite common for me, to "hit a wall" so to speak after God does a deep work in me.
God and I had a talk about what He began in me at the Jumping Tandem retreat,
and I'm not even sure if I know exactly what He did and how He wants me to respond.
I asked Him to enlighten me a bit, to tell me the next step for me.
All I know is that my heart felt all plowed up and ready to be planted with seeds of possibility.
Then, I got home to the reality of my real life and had to face some hard eucharisteo.
A Crazy April or When It Rains It Pours...
- owed way more on taxes than we expected
- had to buy new tires for one of the cars
- both cars were due for license renewals
- one, although relatively new, didn't pass the DEQ clean air test
- $1000 in repairs and it still hasn't passed
- the clothes dryer quit and cost $130 to repair
- while the repairman was at the house I had him listen to the dishwasher which is suddenly unusually loud-he said the motor is going out and a new dishwasher is the way to go
- I had my yearly physical and all is well, but, I had the last of the series of vaccines for Hepatitis A and B recommended for travel overseas...
- I felt tired and flu-like for 3 days following
- We heard of a frustrating/hurtful situation with someone we tried to help
When things like this pile up, I tend to shut down, to want to withdraw until the storm passes.
I have lived long enough to know that these types of seasons do pass, you actually do get through them.
In fact, looking back, they become a hazy and rather forgettable part of the past.
I also know that, while irritating, this is mild stuff compared to the deep suffering and struggles some are going through.
However, this morning, I did want to be honest enough to say, life with Jesus is still real life.
It's not all "skip to the lou, my darling".
Much of the time it's lifting my hands in surrender and saying,
"I don't get it, God, but I trust you.
I know You'll help us through."
And then, you fight against your flesh, and actually get out of your pajamas,
and go face the day...
and you keep noticing, keeping writing down, keep counting, your blessings.
In 2012 I followed the prompts in Ann Voskamp's Joy Dare in counting my thanks.
In 2013 I'm going back to the way I did it in the beginning,
just noticing and recording the many extraordinary blessings in my ordinary life.
And so I continue to count my thanks
piling up gratitude day by day
in my little black journal.
(and capturing some of them via my camera or iPhone)
-youngest daughter stopping by for a visit
-Mt. St. Helens showing off on this beautiful day
-a better run than yesterday
-fun surprises in the mail-my prayer bracelet from Robin
-reading Hosea with She Reads Truth
-encouraging comments on my post at Emily's
-emails from some of the friends I met at Jumping Tandem
-going to my grandson's school to watch him in a skit and spending some time with him and oldest granddaughter afterwards
-a great prayer time
-getting the dryer fixed
-lunch out with the Hubs on our day off
-a good book to read
-a friend going with me to an out of town wedding so I wouldn't have to drive alone
-her going on a run with me when we got home
-catching up on Hosea
-being at church with my church family after being gone last Sunday
-lunch at our favorite Mexican restaurant
-oldest granddaughter and I hanging out together
-visiting with my daughter and son-in-law when they came to pick her up