Wednesday, March 7, 2012

True surrender…

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Three shots in each arm

I feel like I’m being injected with poison

Me, I never even get flu shots, thinking it’s best to build up our own God given immune system

But now we can staple the yellow immunization papers to the back of our passports and send off for our visa

We pay the extra to be allowed multiple entry for a few years

We need to be ready to get there quickly

If an emergency arose with our son-in-law, daughter or grandchildren

We’re going for two weeks next month

They leave in two weeks and they’re going for as long as God allows

During our visit maybe I’ll be able to taste and see

Why my fair, blond, blue-eyed daughter’s heart beats so for Africa

Why since she was five years old it was where she wanted to go

It was all she ever wanted to be-a missionary to Africa

Me, I’m afraid I’ll be ridiculous there, me with my french manicured nails, my flat ironed hair

And I’m supposed to speak at this church conference and tell them something to help them

When I’m sure I should be learning from them

Because me, I live a selfish, comfortable life

And the truth is, I like it

I like my comfort, my cozy little nest I call home, my favorite things around me, my familiar routine

And part of me doesn’t “get” my own daughter

Who doesn’t seem to care that she will probably never have a permanent place called home on this earth

I know God has orchestrated this open door, this trip

But the selfish me is dragging my feet the whole way

From the shots, to the 24 plus hours confined in a plane, to the wondering if my flat iron will even work there

My fingers are tightly clutched around my own familiar comfort and I don’t want to let go

But I’ve been praying for heart change

For the idol of self to crumble

For me to be full of Him and His heart

So if I’m going to go, I don’t just want a two week long reality check

I want a heart change

I’m giving Him permission to gently, I hope gently

Pry my fingers loose one by one

Til I am able to lift them up in true surrender to Him

Of all that I am and all that I love


Still following,


If you are interested in learning more about my daughter and son-in-law’s ministry here is the link:

Ask for the Nations

Perhaps God is even asking someone out there to give.





  1. Oh, I think you'll experience a heart change! Something about Africa gets inside you once you're there and it never goes away. I say that from experience - a total of only about 6 weeks...and those at least 10 years ago...but it Never. Goes. Away.

  2. It's painful in a way, isn't it?, when we can't find ourselves in our children...can't understand them...even though we recognize their beauty. I think you are giving your grown daughter an amazing gift in making real attempts to travel into her reality and see through her eyes. So many parents seem to think: once their children are grown and married well, they (the parents) are off the hook. But your daughter still needs you, and she will never forget your laying aside of yourself to be near her and better understand her. I just love you for it and know that God will grow and stretch your heart and crack it open like a little nut: only to pour His goodness inside. I'm excited for you!!!!! You're doing the right things!!!!!

  3. Wow. What a beautiful heart your daughter has. I'm a homebody too. When I was a kid, I used to hope that God would not call me overseas to be a missionary, although I did truly want to be in His will and would go if He said to go.
    I am thankful for the missions field He has placed me in. At home. He knows me. So He also knows I would go if He asked.

  4. THanks so much for your honesty here...I struggle with much the same...I will be praying...oh yes..not an experience...but an encounter with all God wants to do...blessings to you as you continue to surrender...blessings~

  5. Maybe you feel the way you do because God has called you to where you are and it is a perfect fit. I know I sure am glad that you are just as you are, you reach lots of people being just the way you are. God gave that special love of Africa to your daughter so that she can enjoy being where he wants her to be. Enjoy the visit but never feel bad about where you were called.

  6. It's okay to feel anxiety about the trip. I have a feeling that your heart will change once you arrive and experience the culture. God has a plan and you know it's a good one :)

  7. I got those shots too. And those African children find wonder in the blonde hair and blue eyes. My daughter was the recipient of that wonder five years ago. And don't take your flat iron, it won't work. But you won't care what you look like and this trip will change your life. Trust me! It sounds like the heart change is already in motion.

  8. Wow...thank you for your honesty! God is truly working a heart change, because we all know the first step in the change is acknowledging that we have a selfish nature...and you have done that. May the Lord bless, keep, and continue to use your daughter and her family to reach the African people and also the people right here that they touch.
    May He continue to use you to be my iron that sharpeneth iron. Thank you and God bless you.
    Abiding in Him,

  9. What a job well done! You've successfully raised a daughter whose holds the heart and hand of Jesus! I love your transparency here, and I know that the trip will be life-changing. Thank you for sharing your journey with the Painting Prose community. Keep us informed!

  10. Awesome post. Thank you for sharing.


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