Wednesday, February 1, 2012

When he’s just not there for you…

We were married at the ripe old age of nineteen, which wasn’t all that uncommon back in the olden days…you know, the seventies.  (The nineteen seventies that is.) Hubby went to college in the mornings, worked the evening shift at a factory, and was the church janitor and volunteer youth leader on the weekends.  At the ripe old age of twenty I was a stay at home mama with a wee little brown eyed girl who had  the biggest dimples you ever saw.  We had one car.  We lived in a city located between the town where the college was, and the town where the church we attended was.  I had no car, and no friends who lived anywhere near by.  Day after day, night after night it was just the baby and me.  An exciting outing was putting the baby in a stroller and walking down to the corner gas station for a “Tab”. ( That was a  Diet Coke type drink popular in the olden days.)  I was lonely.  I was cry yourself to sleep lonely.  In all my 20 year old wisdom, I decided it was his fault.  Once you got married you were never supposed to be lonely, right?  Your spouse was responsible to meet all of your needs, right?  So, I told hubby that we needed to go to our minister for counseling. I was looking forward to the pastor straightening that man of mine out.

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On the day of our appointment, we sat in front of the pastor’s desk.  I was all decked out in my indignant self-righteousness.  When the pastor turned to me and asked me what I thought was wrong with us, I emphatically, accusatorially, said, “He is not meeting my needs.  Blah, blah, blah, whine, whine, whine.”
The pastor didn’t turn and correct my weary, overworked husband.  To my surprise, he dared to correct me. It changed my life.  It saved my life.  He said, “If another human being could meet all of your needs, then you wouldn’t need God.  That person would then become god to you.  God will never let another person meet all of your needs.  You need to use this opportunity to really get to know God, and let Him meet your needs.” 

Not that I didn’t occasionally still have pity parties after that, but I began a journey.  I began to really seek to know God.  While hubby was at school, I made a nice meal for us to have before he headed off to his job.  After he left for work, I would listen to Christian teaching on the radio, I would read and study my Bible, I would talk to God, I would sing, worship and pray as I fed or rocked the baby.  I sought the Lord and He heard me.  He began to fill me up as I went to Him with my loneliness.  Month after month went by and that was my routine.  While my husband was at work, I was mama, laundress, housekeeper, and God seeker. 

One Sunday, a young couple began to attend church, with a cute little baby girl, just a couple of months younger than our baby.  The husband was also a student by day, and worked evenings like my hubby.  His wife and I became the best of friends.  Many evenings, while our husbands were at work,  I would go to her house or she would come to mine.  Our babies became toddlers, and were as inseparable as siblings.  To this day, I believe God sent me a wonderful friend as an answer to prayer.  But first, He taught me the most important life lesson ever…nothing and no one can meet my needs, fill my emptiness, silence my loneliness, love me, like He can.

Still following,

Elizabeth

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25 comments:

  1. Wow, that is such a timely message. I am in a season of playing the role that your pastor played; no modelcoddeling (sp) or enabling. It doesn't always make me popular immediately, but it does empower people to be all that God has designed them to be. Calling the "gold" out...and it obviously called the gold out of you. Blessings!

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  2. Elizabeth, the sooner the young married girls learn this the better. It took years for me to realize this, and oh the pressure & responsibility we are placing on the husband. Fear even played into the picture, because I was thinking "what would I do if something happened to him". Marriage truly came alive in a healthy way, when I stopped looking to the "husband" and started looking unto "HIM" the true Bridegroom. Thanks for sharing your heart.

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  3. Wisdom that applies to all stages of life!

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  4. Elizabeth, you gave me warming chills with this post. I too have strengthened my walk, journey and comittment to God over the years but more so in the last 4 and each day this bond grows. I still have my human down falls but now I see them as tools in my HOLY SHED to use as reminders on how I too can improve upon and share with others the downfalls are just roads we take to get to a much better destination. Hugs and love.

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  5. Thank You Elizabeth... For even us older, been married 25 + yrs wives need a reminder now and then:)

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  6. What a wonderful story: what a wise pastor! Thank you so much for sharing this important part of your journey.

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  7. That was a needed reminder today. Here. In a house with four kids and a minivan in the garage, piano lessons in an hour and PLENTY to do...
    :)
    He meets us where and when we need Him most.I think it's one of those seasons for me right now.
    Hugs and thanks, my friend!
    ~april

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  8. This is so true, but so hard to see when we are doing it. I'm glad that you were awakened by that pastor. That says a lot about you. Thanks for the great reminder to ... "Just Follow Jesus!"

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  9. I am delighted that you linked this story with the "I Do" writing project.

    Your words here remind me of a friend of mine from my church. She's 89 years old, never married. I've asked her before if she ever experienced loneliness. She said she didn't much, because she was "never really alone." I think about that often, when I've gone through seasons of loneliness.

    I think it was a sweet gift that the Lord gave you that special friend, too. Someone else who would understand ...

    - Jennifer

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  10. What a great post...God is what we need. I too learned that many years ago in a different way when God brought a car accident to change our lives forever. God became my strength, my love, my all. Thanks again for an awesome post.

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  11. I too have learned this the hard way. Our husbands can not and should not be our all!

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  12. I think a lot of us need to hear that very thing today. No human or animal can fill that emptiness inside you like God can. You learned a valuable lesson early!!!

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  13. My husband left on a 9 month cruise a week after our marriage and moving me to FL from IL. My husban left for a year long cruise 10 days after my son was born. This was 4 weeks after moving to VA Beach from Naples Italy. I learned this lesson young. It was the best thing I ever learned in my marriage. Great write. Thanks for sharing.

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  14. Good word...and a powerful reminder! I learned this one early, and every now and then, I need a refresher course.

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  15. Beautiful, Elizabeth. Thank you for this important reminder, beautifully told.

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  16. oh yes! Love this message. I've needed this lesson myself through my marriage.

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  17. whoa ! what a lesson .. m going to pass this post to few other friends too.. thank you !

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  18. neighbors @Anns...oh to learn that lesson young...and to live not looking for someone else to be what Jesus never intended another to be...to keep Jesus the cake and our relationship with our husband the icing...icing is so, so sweet...and icing taste better with cake...the 2 together is complete joy...
    Blessings to you...

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  19. Powerful message - a lesson each and every one of us needs to learn and remember. No other person, no matter how much we love them or they love us, can "complete" us. Our sense of worth and fulfillment has to come from our relationship with Jesus. Thank you for such a beautiful post!

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  20. A message I needed to hear....thank you!

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  21. Elizabeth, this is incredible teaching here. It reminds me, actually, of Elisabeth Elliot... you could write a book I think. I ache for that 20-year-old girl, for the loneliness, and I understand. If I didn't have my writing and painting, I'd feel desperately lonely too. I find God in my words and my art. I love how you found him too. Thank you, for praying for me. You have become such an inspiration to me... Bless you friend. Please stay in touch. e.

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  22. What a wonderful post, Elizabeth...it's such a good reminder.

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  23. Solid truth in your words, Elizabeth. I also testify that holding tightly to GOD, trusting Him Alone to meet my needs, is the anchor that held when GOD called my beloved home.

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  24. This is such good solid advice! I'm glad that you heeded your pastor's words. I am hoping you'll link up with my new meme Painting Prose this week...I'd love to continue reading your work

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  25. What a gift that pastor gave you. I wish I had someone say that to me in a youngest years of marriage; it would have saved my husband quite a bit of confusion. I have finally learned that Jesus is my only savior and that I cannot expect my husband to do what only He can do for me. Great post!

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