Wednesday, July 13, 2011

When you’re not enough…

012

I read the blogs.

Their pain is palpable.

I feel it.

I see it, their words are full of wounds that seep through the computer screen.

Some full of the infection of bitterness.

They’ve been wounded.

Wounded by the ones that should heal.

Wounded by church leaders, by church members, by church.

I can identify with them.

We’ve all been wounded.

Sometimes intentionally, sometimes by the not knowing how to help, what to say, what to do.

I don’t like to read those blogs, their words.

It rubs my pride the wrong way.

It causes me to face that I’m not just the wounded, but the wounder.

Not intentionally, God, I hope not intentionally.

But I’m a leader who has failed.

I’m just not enough in the face of all their need.

Satan comes and repeats the mantra in my mind.

“You’re not enough. You’re not enough.”

And I know I’m not, so his words paralyze, and I decide to keep my “not enough” to myself.

I hoard my little loaves and fishes lunch, instead of letting it be broken and blessed and shared.

I listen to the half-truth, “You’re not enough…”, and let him leave off the rest of the sentence,

“…but God is more than enough.”

It is prideful arrogance that says,  “I have to be enough.”

It is humility that says, “I am nothing, I have nothing, but in me lives the More Than Enough God.”

It is humility that offers up my paltry “not enough” loaves and fishes self, and lets God, break me, bless me, use me.

It is humility that says, we’re all the walking wounded, and I don’t have all the answers, but together let’s walk to the Wounded One whose wounds are for our healing.

014

Still following,

Elizabeth

9 comments:

  1. Wow! Powerful writing. Truth words. Poured out in honesty. Appreciating the transparency of your writing. And how too, I hoard my loaves and fish. And how I have been the wounded and the woundy. Yet, clinging to, The Healer.

    Just became a follower,
    Jen
    http://richfaithrising.blogspot.com/

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  2. Boy, this one touched me deeply. At first I thought you were talking to me, then I realized you were preaching the truth. Thanks. I will share what I have.

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  3. AMAN!! Only through Him can we do all things! Only through Him are we enough! Thanks for all your wonderful words that always speak to me and where I am.

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  4. How many times have I believed that lie? Thank you for your words today. Our God is enough and can do everything.

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  5. I really do love this Elizabeth.
    I am a wounded survivor. I have also tried to be "enough" to the wounded and failed miserably.

    It was and is pride that made and makes me think that I can be what God alone is empowered to be.

    I'm actually going through something right now that makes me appreciate this specific conviction.

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  6. I love this post! I am one that has been deeply wounded and by the grace of God one that has realized that His love is sufficient. There are too many of us. And I am sad to say that I am sure I too have at one point or another been the "wounder". I think in that area we have all fallen short of displaying the love of God appropriately.
    I am thankful that I have come to realize I am enough. I am the clay and each day I am being molded into what He has made me to be.
    I admire your transparency in this post.

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  7. Ah, Elizabeth. Lovely. Thanks so much for sharing this. I shared it with my missionary daughter who's at home right now.

    Blessings,
    Marilyn

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  8. This really spoke to my heart. Thank you.

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