Saturday, May 2, 2009

Mourning-part 2

When my dad, and now my oldest sister, passed away, because I had the assurance that they had made things right with God and were ready to meet Him the separation was a "clean" cut. Yes, even that type of a wound takes time to heal, but I have the assurance that there will be a day when we will be together again for eternity.

Unfortunately, in our world of easy divorce and disposable relationships, all wounds of separation aren't so clean cut, or easily healed. For example, the tearing wound of my dad leaving our family when I was ten years old, took heal. Those types of wounds easily get infected and can fester for a long time. So I find, that most people I come in contact with, myself included, are walking around wounded because of these tearing wounds. The Bible is full of the words, "walk through..." as in walking through the valley of the shadow of death, walking through the wilderness. But our world today is one in which we walk away instead of walk through. I believe that any relationship worth anything has had to go through some times of "walking through" when it would have been easier to walk away. A good relationship, whether it's a marriage or a friendship, has been tried and tested through the fires of hurt and offense and misunderstanding and come forth like gold...purer and stronger.

Right now, underneath the clean cut separation wound of my sister's death, I am struggling with some tearing wounds-an altogether different type of mourning. I hurt someone, offended them unintentionally, failed to be to them what they needed me to be. I asked forgiveness repeatedly, and though with their words they have forgiven me, their spirit is closed to me. They have shut me out of their essence, walked away. Then I am also struggling with the tearing wound of watching someone I love and care about, repeatedly making willfully bad choices...choices that are keeping them in a cycle of spiritual defeat and failure. In both cases, I am having to daily give these ones I love over to God. I consciously have to take my hands off and leave them in His keeping. This is extremely hard for me. I keep thinking I can just say something or do something that will make things right again. I force myself to remember that God Himself refuses to, will not and can not, supersede the human will. So who am I to think that I can make someone let me back into their heart and life, or make someone make better spiritual decisions.

I am reminding myself of the words in Isaiah 53, that when Jesus died on the cross, He bore not only my sin and my sickness, but my griefs and my sorrows. I have to let Him, allow Him, ask Him, to do this for me today.

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