Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Two years ago this week...

Two years ago this week, Mama took her last gasping, gurgling breath,
her 85 year old heart and lungs no longer able to pump the fluid out of her system.
Two years ago this week, Jesus stood up on His throne, clapped His hands with joy, 
tilted His head back and laughed with pleasure when she entered into His presence.
Two years ago this week,  Jesus cupped Mama's face in His hands and she looked into His fiery eyes of love for the first time.  
Those eyes in a flesh and blood Man there on the throne of heaven looked at my Mama and the voice that thunders with majesty and sounds like many waters told my Mama, "You're so beautiful!",
and for the first time in her life, my Mama had to really, truly believe that it was so, because He said it.
Two years ago this week, Mama danced and twirled and spun with delight and freedom and joy, 
set free from all sin and sickness and sadness and fear.
Two years ago this week, Mama who had seen more than her share of sorrow and sadness and struggle and disappointment and pain in this life, looked at the Lover of her soul and said, 
"It's true!  It's true!  It was worth it all to see You, to be here with You!   All of that struggle was just for a moment and now all of this glory of being with You forever and ever and ever,
it was worth it, it was worth it all!"

I still miss her.
The grief still hits at random moments.
Last Sunday afternoon in the Winco grocery store,
 a little white haired lady walked toward me pushing her grocery cart.
Her eyes had that same overwhelmed, confused look, 
that Mama used to get in her last years whenever we went to that overcrowded store.
Right there, standing by the cooler filled with Tillamook cheese, 
I was tempted to hug a complete stranger, because I saw Mama in her.
I miss my Mama.
But never once, not even for a second, would I want her back here.
Not now that she's tasted and seen pure wholeness, pure happiness, pure love, pure joy.
Not now that she's seen Him.

Sometimes I wonder what our resurrected, eternal bodies will look like.
Jesus is the firstborn from the dead, the Only One who already has His resurrected body.
It looked different enough that some of His close followers didn't recognize Him at first.
When I go by the cemetery where Mama is buried,  sometimes it bothers me, her body there in the cold ground, wearing the fusia colored sweater that my sister had bought her for Christmas,
just the month before.
I know when Jesus comes back, the dead in Christ will rise first, their resurrected bodies coming up out of the grave to meet their eternal spirits that are already with Him.
If I had one request, I'd ask Jesus to keep my Mama's hair pure white and soft as cotton.

Two years ago this week, my Mama went to heaven.
I miss my Mama.
Sometimes I still cry.

Still following,


  1. Your mama has been on my mind a lot lately, my dear friend. I've thought of you and the way you miss her. And I remember how blessed I am to still have my dear, little mother. And I thank God for her as the days get harder and her needs increase. And I think that my dad was standing at attention with the other saints - and applauding - when your mama walked through Heaven's gates!

  2. The old song: This world is not my home - I am just passing through....comes to mind. When I was in my 30's a man in his 70's said to me "life is short honey". I often remember his words that day - I will soon be 64 years old - where has TIME gone? He was right - eternity will be f o r e v e r.

  3. "Precious they linger..." May His comfort flow into your live and OVERflow to comfort others - just as it is already doing.

    And cry those tears! They are emotional stitches, I've heard.

  4. I miss mine too ........miss her smile, and miss just having a chat about anything and everything.....thinking of you today . Joanne

  5. It doesn't seem that long ago; praying for you, friend. I will still have that breathless moment when I miss my father, but, as you so beautifully put it, I would not deprive him heaven to be here again.

  6. I'm missing mine too... thinking of you. Love you~

  7. Sorrow and hope, with hope triumphing, Elizabeth. What a beautiful post. It is hard to believe it has been 2 years.
    Thanks for the reminder to cherish my parents. They will turn 80 this year, and it's hard to see them aging.
    Thinking of you this week....

  8. What a poignantly beautiful tribute to your mother, Elizabeth. I am so glad you wrote it. I have very similar thoughts about my own mom, who died in 1993. God bless you... xxoo

  9. Beautiful post my friend. I am blessed to have my mama still with me on this earth, yet she has not met Jesus. My prayer is that she will come to know Him before her time comes.

  10. I remember when you lost your mom. Can it be possible that I have followed you that long? Obviously, it is.

    This was beautiful, and I so relate to so much that you said. I have thought so many times how my father must have beamed with joy when he saw the Savior's face with his own two eyes.

    From one daughter to another, I wish I could give you a warm hug.

  11. Hi Elizabeth
    Happily visiting from Emily's to read this beautiful ode of love to your mom! Your poem stirs deep seated memories of longing for I never had this kind of relationship with my mom. But I know she loved me as much as she could. This is all one can give to another!
    Much love

  12. Oh, this is beautiful. There's nothing that can take a mama's place in our heart, is there. Sorry for your loss. Happy for her gain. Thanks for weaving words that grow hope here. And for stopping by the Overflow- so fun to "meet" you!

  13. This is so very beautiful...achingly so. And this is how grief goes, I suppose, a constant mingling of evolving acceptance, relief, sadness, loss, gratefulness...
    You written it out so well. Thank you.

  14. Very touching post, made my breath catch.

    Thank you for your kind comment on my blog. I love your photos & looking forward to seeing more.
    Thanks again.

  15. It's been a little over six years since I said goodbye to my mom. I still miss her like crazy and sometimes I find myself crying as if I just said goodbye yesterday. Thanks for sharing from your heart. I'm glad I found your blog today.

  16. Beautiful. Reminds me of my own mother who lives in assisted living and soon to be moved into a dementia unit. Her mind leaving her as her body is also filled with parkinsons. I didn't have 'good' memories of her. She was often the bad mom, but sitting in the room watching her aging confused face as she tried to navigate her fumbling arms and legs compassion and grace moved in and sat next to me. I could see her with different eyes not as 'the mom' but as a frail little old lady who is 81 and aging.

  17. I miss her too. Thanks for painting such a beautiful picture of her present circumstances.

  18. i feel your ache flowing out of your beautiful love. what a wonderful description of her past two years. so lovely.

  19. This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this outpouring of your heart -- of all that mingles in this journey of missing, grieving, loving. And your description of Jesus welcoming her, oh, wow. Bless you.


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