Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Front door wreath mishap…

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It could be a rumor

or an urban legend.

I heard tell there was once a woman who lived in a tall two story house.

She had a freshly painted, metal front door that she wanted to hang an autumn wreath on.

She had made the wreath with her own two hands and a glue gun.

She used a grapevine wreath and assorted faux fall foliage.

Because her front door was metal she couldn’t hang the wreath from a nail or screw.

She didn’t have a wreath hanger either, so she had the oh, so brilliant idea to hang it with jute webbing

and hot glue it to the top edge of the door.

Then she went outside in her pajamas, with uncombed hair, to take photos of her beautiful blue door and fall wreath.

She noticed that the thickness of the jute webbing made the door difficult to close.

So she pulled hard on the door until it shut.

She quickly took pictures of her beautiful door and wreath before the neighbors noticed her on her porch in her pajamas.

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When she went to open the door, the thickness of the jute webbing had, in essence, wedged the door shut as tight as a drum.

She began to thrust her full weight against the door over and over again, praying and hoping it would pop open.

She also prayed and hoped no one was watching.

The door would not budge.

She checked all the other doors and windows on the first story of her house and they were all shut and locked safe and sound.

Her cell phone was in the house, and she began to fear she was going to have to go door to door in her pajamas asking if she could use a phone to call her husband.

This thought made her pray.  It made her pray hard.

“Dear God.  Please forgive me for my foolishness.  Please, please, please help me get into the house.”

Then she remembered that her second story office window was open.

She remembered they had a tall ladder, weighing approximately two thousand pounds that they used to get on the roof and clean the gutters.  (They being the young man they paid to come and do this terrifying job.)

So now, with her right shoulder throbbing from being used as a battering ram, she wrestled the 2 ton ladder into place by the office window.

Fearfully she climbed the ladder. In her pajamas. With bare feet.  Her uncombed hair blowing in the breeze.

The window screen was wedged tightly in place.

She climbed down the ladder and found a screw driver. 

Thank God.

Fearfully she climbed the ladder.  Again.

She used the screwdriver to pry the window screen out and was able to climb in the office window.

She began to laugh and cry hysterically.

She went downstairs and out the back door to put the ladder away, trying to hide all evidence of the morning’s shameful events.

She then walked down the hallway to the front door, and without so much as a hard pull, it opened right up.

She tore the wreath off the door.

Then she took a handful of Advil for her sore shoulder.

The End.

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PS: Rumor has it that that crazy woman was so traumatized that she has left her front door

“bare nekked” and wreathless.

Imagine that!

They say she went and hung that wreath safely indoors.

Of course, this is all just hearsay.

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Still following,

Elizabeth

Fall_Link_Party_Rhoda

17 comments:

  1. Oh, Elizabeth what a morning! I would have never climbed the ladder - just would have had to knock on the neighbor's door. Love the wreath & the webbing.

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  2. That is hilarious!!! I have it all pictured in my mind and I truly do feel sorry for you, but, I'm afraid that I would have been laughing hysterically. Glad you were safe...

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  3. What a beautiful blue door! Love your wreath! Fall's my favorite time of the year with all the beautiful colors Papa puts out for us! So glad you were able to get into the house and not have to go to your neighbors! Pray you had a great rest of the day.

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  4. Oh.my.word. Mother!!! Next time just send me some smoke signals and I'll come to the rescue!

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  5. I do believe that is what they call a "Shipley" moment. ;-) P.S. Your son in law was very impressed that you moved that big ladder alone!

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  6. Oh Elizabeth...thank you my adorable friend. I needed a grin and a giggle this morning...
    And you gave me one...
    I'm telling you, I can soooo relate to this...

    Just last spring I locked myself out of the house and after an hour outside trying to get in, I took a clay pot and broke out a window...desperate times you know...
    (funny thing...my yappy, screaming pups never uttered so much as a growl as the window broke and I hoisted myself inside!)
    xoxo
    Robin

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  7. I hope that fictional woman knows how many people got a needed giggle from hearing about her adventure. Thank you for your wonderful blog, it always speaks to me, sometimes a nudge and sometimes laughter.

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  8. Oh no!!!! Please forgive me for giggling. I couldn't help myself. You painted such a picture for me this morning.

    Hope the shoulder feels better.
    Loving the wreath wherever "she" puts it.

    And I am still praying and following the persecuted pastor. Thank you so much for alerting us on that.

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  9. You are totally cracking me up!!! That sounds like something I would do for sure ~
    Your wreath is really pretty :)

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  10. oh my goodness .. what a sweet end to a rather trying tale! golly .. i wonder if the neighbors were watching "this woman" from their dining room. entertainment to be sure! what a lovely wreath!!!

    p.s. looking so forward to meeting you in october. :o)

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  11. Is this the beginning of your first fiction novel? Funny - but not! I've been there before, but not in my jammies! I had a 3-year-old outside with me and a screaming 1-year-old who was jumping up and down and yelling at me through the window inside! So glad the sweet princess in your story was OK!!!
    ~Adrienne~

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  12. Oh my word, Elizabeth!!! Because everything turned out okay, I'm laughing. I know of a young woman years ago (not I) who was cleaning leaves from her gutters and she was on the roof of their mobile home when the ladder fell. She lived at the edge of town and had to sit there until the school bus brought her boys home!

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  13. Your post reminded me of the time I was in middle school. We were on the bus heading for school when we stopped at a stop sign. Something caught my eye and I looked over to see a woman peering out of a privacy fence gate. Thinking no one was looking she made a mad dash out the gate and around to the front door. She was dressed only in her panties and bra. When she got to the door she glanced back only to see a bus load of kids gawking at her. I never found out her story but I'm sure she must have gone out her back door thinking she was safe because the yard was enclosed by a privacy fence. Somehow she must have gotten locked out and had to go in the front. I have never forgotten the look of horror on her face!

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  14. Oh this is so funny! Thank you for sharing- it's funny how at the time things like this happen we are thinking it is the worst thing that could possibly happen and then after the face they become great stories to tell! Kindof like what Jesus does with the yucky things in our life that He puts His redeeming touch on.

    Just found you via Cindy and Custom Comforts-

    bee blessed
    mary

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  15. Hahahaha.... sure wish I was your neighbor, peering out my window! Your front door and wreath are beautiful! I just got a new front door and made a wreath to hang; I used one of those metal thingees I got from Michael's. It works great!

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  16. Oh Elizabeth, I don't know how I missed this post, but it is hilarious, well, you know, if it is true, with all of the hear say and all, lol. It is about as bad as me hanging out one of our 2nd story windows with a broom last year trying to knock the Christmas wreath off the 1st story roof. It had fallen from one of the dormer windows, stuck to the roof of the 1st story, and I couldn't get it down any other way. Kids were on the ground laughing hysterically. Oh my......what we do to make our home's beautiful. By the way, I love the jute ribbon, where did you find it? I have looked everywhere for some!

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  17. Going back in time to visit you through a 2013 link (Oct 4th) You sound SO MUCH like me! I adored this sharing of your rumors LOL!
    Love you!
    Patty

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