Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Discombobulated...


It should have been easy.  All I wanted was to buy a loaf of bread.  I wandered around looking for the proper aisle for several minutes, when a feeling of panic started to come over me.  The thought, "why did we move here?" came to my mind.  I called my friend, who made the same move several years ago.  "I'm at the store and I can't find the dadgum bread aisle!" After living in the same house for sixteen years and shopping at the same grocery store for that length of time, this small frustration loomed large in my mind.

As I pulled out of the church parking lot I was also talking on the speaker phone to a friend.  I was halfway to Portland, Oregon, to our former home, before I realized that my mind, in auto pilot mode and distracted with the phone call, had headed home.  The only problem was, home was in Vancouver, Washington now.

We've had some sort of renovation going on since our move.  We've replaced old, outdated lights with new ones.  Old vinyl and carpet has been pulled up and new hardwoods are replacing them. Old appliances are being replaced with new stainless steel ones.  The house is full of construction materials and dust and furniture crowded into rooms where it doesn't belong so flooring can be laid.

Our friends from church have helped us with all of the projects around the house.  An electrician, an engineer, a construction worker, and other able bodied volunteers.  They've put in hours and hours and hours of free labor, making all of this renovation and updating possible. They are happy to have us living closer to the church, and have proven it with huge sacrifices of time and effort.  I'm overwhelmed at all that they've done for us and feel helpless to adequately thank them.

Discombobulated is the best word to describe my life these last three months.  Normal routine flew out the window the minute our former house sold in July and we began to pack our belongings up in boxes.  I've been confused, befuddled and disoriented ever since.  I've never loved moving and all of the chaos that goes with it, but this move has been especially hard, long, and drawn out.  There's no doubt in my mind that God foresaw all of this when He began showing me halfway through 2014 that my word for 2015 was to be endurance.  

Some Holy Spirit insight into my soul reveals that the reason I feel so discombobulated is a matter of control.  The one thing you can't control is other people.  Being in the ministry is being in the full time business of dealing with people.  My outer world feels out of control much of the time because of this.  Home is the one place that I could control.  My number one goal has always been to have a home that exuded peace.  People often commented that our former home looked and felt peaceful.  My response to outside stress was to make our home a little fortress of peace. That hasn't happened here, in our new to us home, yet.  I think God has had me endure four months of upheaval to show me that my fortress of peace should have been Him all along, not my surroundings, not my home, not my family.  It's Him and Him alone.

Even this feeling of being indebted to people in a way that I know I can never repay is an issue of control.  As a pastor's wife, I'm usually on the giving end of the equation.  Being on the receiving end of so much has me feeling undone.  I can't write enough thank you cards or make enough meals or bake enough goodies to make the equation come out even.  I'm not in control of all this grace we've received.

The major part of the renovations will be done before Thanksgiving.  I'll be able to clean up the construction dust, put the furniture back in place, unpack the remaining boxes, and make our new to us house feel like home, soon.  But, the truth is, home is a Person, not a place.  Peace is a Person, not the condition of my surroundings.  I'm tired of feeling discombobulated.  I want to my mind and heart to be at peace, no matter what my outward surroundings look like.    

still following,
  


Darling Downs Diaries

USE this for BLOG
















22 comments:

  1. You've said it so well! Discombobulated is how I feel much of the time and I haven't moved! We are in the middle of a big change in some business and at any given moment we may receive a call or email asking for more information or explanation. Off we go in a direction we didn't plan. My dear, little mother's situation continues to weigh heavy on our hearts and energy. And so it goes. Totally befuddled at times - out of control. I needed your words of reminder today that HE is our peace. Thank you, dear friend.
    ~Adrienne~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It sounds like we have so much to catch up on!

      Delete
  2. That is a difficult place to be but those difficult places lead us to receive the fullness of life and love that falls under the umbrella of grace. I am excited for you as you settle in and make your new house a home. Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!

      Delete
  3. When things are out of our control (they always are, right?) we begin to panic. At least I do. It sounds like you're coming along just fine!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sorry for this time of discombobulation, Elizabeth. :( I know it will sort its way out in time. But I love your conclusion that God is showing you that he is our fortress of peace all along, not our surroundings. A hard truth but a beautiful one. Receiving grace with grace….

    ReplyDelete
  5. Love how you said this! Love and blessings, my friend.

    Peace.

    ReplyDelete
  6. What a blessing it was to read these words! Your sweet & gentle reminder that God is an anchor for our soul. Like you, I don't like for my surroundings to be out of order. Such a heartfelt reminder that even during the upheavals in life, we have our Rock on which to stand & draw peace from! Blessings to you my friend :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Love this straight-from-the-heart post of feeling discombobulated Elizabeth! Beautiful and real. Thanks for sharing, and looking forward to hearing of your days ahead in your new surroundings. That floor is gorgeous by the way!

    ReplyDelete
  10. So true, Elizabeth. I'm glad that Jesus' message is getting through to the "Mary" while you're still very much in the "Martha" stage of this move. Won't Thanksgiving be an especially peaceful and thankful time this year? I'm so thankful your church family is giving back. I have a feeling your debt on this was prepaid. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh boy, I know just what you're talking about. Three years ago, when we moved to the mountains (after living in the same home and town for almost 29 years), I felt disoriented, discouraged, and yes, discombobulated. Not only did I leave family, friends, and so many familiar places and routines, I also moved from suburban/city living to a very small (3,000-ish people) mountain community. It was culture shock in many ways, too.

    But oh, Elizabeth, how you've talked to my own inner issues of control. And yes, one of the most difficult lessons to learn - and sometimes it does take upheaval to get the message across! - is that our sole source of peace and security lies in the shadow of the wings of the Almighty Lord...no matter where we lay our heads at night!

    GOD BLESS.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Elizabeth, You are so close to having it all done. I am happy that that the major stuff will be completed just in time for your "new to you home" to shine for the holidays. You will make many wonderful memories in this home. As for paying back everyone who has helped with the move and renovation......you are the one giving to them. They are probably elated to be sharing their time and talents with you and your husband. (You know yourself the joy of giving.)

    Debbi

    ReplyDelete
  13. I hope you'll forgive me that I laughed out loud at you driving to the wrong house...but OH I feel your 'discombobulated-ness.'
    These lines are perfect, Elizabeth--
    "But, the truth is, home is a Person, not a place. Peace is a Person, not the condition of my surroundings. I'm tired of feeling discombobulated. I want to my mind and heart to be at peace, no matter what my outward surroundings look like."
    Your open, humble heart is such a gift.
    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  14. Sitting in the middle of a discombobulated house as I read this. Oh how your reminder that, "Home is a person, not a place" & "Peace is a person, not the condition of my surroundings" really struck me (in a good way). Thank for this much needed and timely reminder, Elizabeth. It ministered to me in a way only He could right now! ~ Jen @ Unite

    ReplyDelete
  15. Remember, those loving helpers in your church family are not doing something with the expectation of being "paid back" or of you "getting even." It just can't happen. They are doing it because they love you. How wonderful to have a family like that; so many people do not.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I adore this. And was thinking that "discombobulated" is such a great word. The really good news is that after the lesson and reminder of Who your real fortress is, God loves to give His children good gifts and a place to call home. I would so love to fly out to see you and drink coffee while sitting at your table. I can feel the warmth and sweetness of your home from here.

    ReplyDelete

The best thing about blogging is hearing from you!
I'd love for you to leave a comment! Click subscribe by email if you want me to be able to reply to you.