I think I realized something this afternoon. My heart has let go of this house and I'm ready to embrace the new thing God is leading us to. That's a big deal to admit, considering I drug my feet for so long to take the plunge and put it on the market. What's hard for me now is to not know what is next for us yet, especially after what has transpired the last couple of days, thinking we had found our next home and then losing it. I find myself pouring over the real estate listings and getting tense and frustrated that I'm not seeing something that feels like the right thing for us, or if I do, it's more than what we're willing to spend.
Today we had a guest speaker at church. It was so good for my husband and I to sit and receive ministry for a change. After lunch I came home and opened the computer to start searching the listings again. It wasn't long before I realized I needed to just shut the computer off and be gentle with myself for the afternoon. I read a book purely for pleasure, nothing that required deep thought or for me to try to get something out of it other than relaxation. When I found myself getting drowsy, I napped.
The coming month will be filled with packing up our home, hopefully culling out things it's time to let go of in the process. I'm hoping to willingly and readily cull out any negative heart attitudes that arise in me during this time of upheaval and transition, too. I think because being in ministry can be so stressful at times, I've always placed a high value on our home being a place of peace. I work hard to keep a home atmosphere and routine that promotes peace, even in the way I try to keep it tidy, and in the way I decorate. I find that when things get chaotic at home, I am, unfortunately, my worst self. I get crabby and snippy and easily stressed out and frazzled. Prayers that my heart and mind will be ruled by the peace of God are much appreciated.
Meanwhile, I am looking for the blessing in the midst of the mess that transition and upheaval bring. It's there. I found a whole lot to give thanks for yesterday, which was a day filled with one thing after another going wrong. Yet, through it all, God was present, and sprinkling presents of His love for me to find throughout the day. He's so strong and faithful and good and true, and I can be such a big, spoiled baby when my security and comfort gets messed with. I'm sure thankful He puts up with me the way He does!
Since 2009 I've been counting my blessings thanks to the prompting of Ann Voskamp.
I continue to count my thanks
piling up gratitude day by day
in my little green journal.
(and capturing some of my blessings via my camera or iPhone)
-going to the river with my oldest daughter and all of the grandkids except the baby
-a bald eagle flew right over us!
-a wonderful dinner out with our youngest daughter and her husband and in-laws
-an offer on our house!
-my hairdresser that's been doing my hair for years
-my favorite soft, long, denim shirt over comfy leggings
-our counter offer on the sale of our house accepted
-our grandson hanging out with us as we drove around looking at houses
-a good run to de-stress
-late night reading God's Word
-asking God for a sign of which house was ours
-the first house we walked into, loving it, and, though the house was empty of furnishings,
the seller had left a "sign" on the wall about God doing miracles
-trusting God with the results and placing an offer
-reading Ephesians and 2 Kings
-though I don't understand His ways, trusting that what the selling agent did in withholding our offer, though it was first, from the seller and presenting one from her own client so she could get both sides of the commission, causing us to lose out on the house, God will work for our good
-wrestling to surrender and trust
-help from a friend
-rain after weeks of drought
-our realtor's assistant's helpfulness
-taking my brother to the hospital with complications after a heart procedure and the texts flying from my sisters and daughters, (I love how the "troops" rally when one of us is hurting)
-prayer support for us from so many people
-people from Che Ahn's missions team ministering at our church
-being gentle with myself after a couple of difficult days, taking a nap, reading a book
-the sound of rain on the roof
-our oldest granddaughter calling to tell me something she's so excited about